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Atari Anthology Review |
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Atari Anthology
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For 27 years Atari has continuously failed to make even the slightest improvements in graphics and design and has shoveled the same insulting garbage onto the shelves of stores across the world. The latest proof of this once famous game company’s shortcomings has recently been released on the X-Box console. Atari Anthology is a compilation of Atari’s latest developments which are sadly very similar to the original releases on the Atari 2600 and in some cases entirely unchanged.
When the game first launched I was drawn in by the exquisite menu system; featuring throw back music, great maneuverability throughout selections, and a captivating photograph of a classic arcade machine with the outline of what seemed to be distant stars, captivating and beautiful beyond all comprehension. Then the games started, with a 62 games to choose from I anticipated years upon years of playtime, but instead I soon came to find that many of the games were only entertaining for five to six seconds at which point I became confused and disoriented.
As I changed from one game to the next trying to figure out when the joke ended and the real game started I became more and more aware that there was nothing more. Apparently the same five math majors who coded the original Atari games were still at it, with absolutely no development in graphics or game play. It’s going to be too bad when someone finally breaks the news to these nerds that Elvis Presley has died and Three Mile Island is no longer running at full speed, fortunately for them they will no longer have to worry about gas shortages. I can imagine a single room filled with Atari equipment and these developers trapped inside, lost in time with no escape, and the poor PR agent who continues to humor them by allowing these games to be released, assuring them the kids still love it.
While digging through the list of games I actually came upon one that was nothing more than two lines and a dot, I attempted to solve its mystery for the sake of science but after about 15 minutes I gave up and sat in astonishment staring at the screen. The worst part about the entire ordeal was that the store wouldn’t allow me to return the game for in-store credit, only to exchange it for another copy of the same game. After I received my new copy I thought that perhaps there was a misprint and I had originally purchased the wrong game, but I was wrong.
It’s no wonder an abomination like Halo 2 was able to sweep the market and sell so many copies so quickly, when this was the competition, a series of dots and lines flying in random directions all over the screen accompanied by high pitched beeps and bops that somehow coordinated and all came together to create the most horrific collection of video games 2004 could never have imagined.
Travis Parrott
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Review By: Travis Parrott
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